for the most sensitive among us the noise can be too much.

I am so fucking mad right now. I thought that I'd just go ahead and document how pissed off I actually am. Not only am I mad but I'm just sad and disappointed and it's making me feel like ... I don't know. What's the lowest form of molecule that you can be? Is there a word for that?

I went to Las Vegas this weekend to see my dad. I drove (with mom) on Saturday morning to get to Vegas at an early hour. I didn't really have anything planned with my dad but I wanted to get some time in. I wanted to talk to him and hang out just like last time. I wanted to do these things and did these things happen?

No. No, of course they didn't.

What did end up happening? I called my dad when we got there around 11 AM and I said, hey I'm here so what's the plan? The plan was that he has to go "somewhere" with his brother-in-law and then they're going to Church at 4 and they have to drop my grandmother off at the casino after that.

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere."

"Where are you going?"

"This place."

"Where are you going?"

"My brother-in-law is a contractor so we're going to this quarry to ..."

"..."

I didn't know what to say. To think that I actually drove all the way there with the intention of finding out how he is and spending time with him and of course, I'm always on the back burner. I'm always last. Everyone else is more important than me. That's the way it is and that's the way it's always going to be so I have to remember that.

It wasn't until after five that he called and told me that he's not feeling good and has to take his medicine which leaves him sleepy and he's knocked out until the next day. I told him that I came there to see him and he said that I have to forgive him because he doesn't feel good. Well, the reason that he doesn't feel good is because he was touting around that brother-in-law of his. For someone who had heart surgery, he's not doing himself any favors.

This asshole fucktard, excuse me, brother-in-law has been there since October 28th. I am there one weekend. I am there one day in a weekend because I made it a point to leave early on Sunday morning. I mean, what am I thinking trying to have a relationship with my father?

Fuck him. Fuck if he's going to get a phone call from me for the next month until I find myself there again to see some people from the Philippines.

To say that I'm upset is an understatement. Tonight, just felt like the cherry on the pie of how my weekend has turned out. It really is just one of those, kick you when you're down moments that I've really come to enjoy in my life. < / sarcasm > Normally when I'm feeling like this I stay home all day and try to feel better with watching a lot of my favorite shows or movies. Instead, I'll go to work, sit there, not eat and attempt to make it home without the urge to crash my car into something.

Kidding, almost. Not really. But, definitely feeling that way though, you know? Rejection hurts. Rejection from a parent just makes you feel like you're not good enough. You're not worth this person's time. I look to my father for something that I need. No matter what he does to me, I keep trying to come back for it. Maybe it's male attention, affection because god knows that I don't get that from anyone except from him and I barely get it from him.

I guess I'm just one of those people with no self-esteem that I have to depend on things like that. Not even low. Just none of it. I don't remember the last time that I thought that I had some. And it's weekends like these, moments like these, days like these that make me think that this can only get worse.

Welcome to nablopomo, day nine.

Statement by No on Prop 8 Campaign on Election Status
Roughly 400,000 votes separate yes from no on Prop 8 – out of 10 million votes tallied.

Based on turnout estimates reported yesterday, we expect that there are more than 3 million and possibly as many as 4 million absentee and provisional ballots yet to be counted.

Given that fundamental rights are at stake, we must wait to hear from the Secretary of State tomorrow how many votes are yet to be counted as well as where they are from.

It is clearly a very close election and we monitored the results all evening and this morning.

As of this point, the election is too close to call.

Because Prop 8 involves the sensitive matter of individual rights, we believe it is important to wait until we receive further information about the outcome.

Geoff Kors
Executive Committee
NO on Prop 8

Kate Kendell
Executive Committee
NO on Prop 8



They haven't given up yet and I don't think that any of us should either. As a heterosexual woman, one would think that this proposition has nothing to do with me but that couldn't be more wrong. I know that many on my friends list are against this proposition and not only those living in California but all over the world. This proposition has everything to do with everyone. It's another landmark for change for those of us who yearn for a society eradicated of bigots, homophobes, racists, etc.

Because of the initial reports, there was disappointment, a feeling of loss, a feeling of hopelessness among most of you. I felt that way even as the numbers began to appear with 12% of the districts reporting.

With Barack Obama as President, I do believe in change. I believe in his optimism. I believe in the power of his message and I believe in his supporters that we're all going to do the right thing.

This isn't the end of something. This is only the beginning. I don't just want this state to "tolerate" differences. I want people to accept them. Tolerate just implies that people put up with something. But accepting an idea? Being more than okay with it? Approving of it? That's change.

Don't lose faith. If you're upset for California, help us. Write in, call in, spread a message to friends and family in California. Do. Not. Give. Up.

Here I am on another blog day and not only that but I have a concert review to fill day three. This is the first time that it's rained in Los Angeles in a year and it just so happened that it decided to rain on Saturday. Yes, rain in an open air venue? Not good.

I was thinking about leaving the house at about 3 or 3:15 to get to the venue to wait it out. Yeah, I'm a very patient person especially when it comes to concerts. I really love being in the front row but not because I'm close to the artist (though that's always amazing) or that I really want to get their attention (I think front row is fucking awkward for that reason alone) but because it's convenient! I'll explain later.

So, I had a PIT seat to the concert. I originally bought two seats in Section B but discovered a PIT seat during one of the many (four) pre-sales and snatched that sucker up. So, I couldn't leave the house until 3:30 because just as I thought, "I should leave now" this loud BOOM came and rain followed it. I just waited it out and it did eventually dry up around 3:30-3:45. We (mom and me) got there around 4:15, probably earlier. I live really close to the place.

I get in line, we mistakenly enter the venue where they have a group associated with the Grammys? I've never heard of it but apparently it's for college students and you sign up and you can go to soundchecks. Again, never heard of it. So, we were kicked out of there and had to stand near another gate. I was behind a few girls. By a few I mean, four.

Then another group of girls came who were complete Jason Mraz fangirls. I mean, following him around the tour to several dates type fangirls. All message board members. Now, how do I put this? What is with members from a message board? I mean, what is it that they have that kind of "myspace" mentality? I mean, people who constantly, constantly post on message boards, make friends and then proceed to completely ignore or think "lower" of people who don't do the same? What is with that? I'd like an explanation. It's also a completely sociological experiment. Someone needs to write a paper on that because I'd love to read it.

Um, I also have to say that I was really rude to my mother. I mean, I don't mind going with her to events where we're seated or places where I may not want to go alone but I guess I was having rebellious issues. I never went through that rebellious stage when I was a teenager. I never felt like I had to because my mom let me have a lot of freedom. So, there are times where I'm bratty and completely ignore her for my own reasons. But, we've made up since then, kind of.

After waiting outside at the gate, they finally opened it up at 6:30. Then, inside, we had to wait again for them to let us in since the curtains were drawn. I guess we got in about 6:45, almost 7. I'm against the barricade and I threw my jacket over the front, pressed up against my purse and that felt so, so good. The barricade was almost taller than me though so my arms hurt a little from hanging over it.

Two Spot Gobi and Lisa Hannigan were the opening acts. Two Spot are from the UK and Lisa's from Ireland. The RKOP board people seemed to love her but she just reminded me of a toned down Martha Wainwright. Two Spot sounded like The Script but again, toned down. Didn't take any pictures of them but the lead singer was hot. They played in the dark for part of their first song since for some reason the venue didn't turn on the lights at that point. There weren't that many people in the venue except for all of us who were in the front so they basically played for us.

Lisa Hannigan was next. She's cute, a little too meek which just doesn't fly with me at a show. At least be interesting. She did play a song that I really liked. It was descriptive and just very lyric based. I liked that.

( Lisa Hannigan and band. )

missfactonista