the conversation (4/?).

[amelialourdes]

I had writer's block on this one for a little while. It passed.

The Conversation 1/?
The Conversation 2/?
The Conversation 3/?

Fic: The Conversation 4/?
Fandom: QaF
Word Count: 1,006
Summary: Brian comes back after his outing.
Notes: All mistakes are mine (feel free to point them out!), characters belong to their respective owners, and that's about it.



Brian returns to the loft several hours later. He smells like booze and boys. It’s another successful trip to Babylon. But, he looks just as miserable as when he left. Justin’s sitting on the couch and this time it’s Brian that has a moment of déjà vu. It’s a flashback to another night with Justin on the couch, bags packed, and ready to go. Brian waits.

“Hey,” Justin says from his position on the couch.

“Hey,” Brian closes the door and takes tentative steps into the loft.

“I put your plate in the fridge if you get hungry later.” Brian’s temporarily relieved that that part’s a little different but he’s still waiting for the final blow to come. Justin stands up from the couch and walks over to him, standing directly in front of him. “Brian, you were right.” Justin can tell that that’s the last thing Brian expects him to say. It makes him laugh a little but he stops as soon as he sees the solemn expression on Brian’s face. “The choice to leave was mine. I wanted to work on that movie and I wanted to see if I could make it big in New York.”

“So, now what have you decided?”

“I’ve decided that I’ve had enough of living in New York. I already feel like a success but I’m going to keep working at it. I’m going to work here because I’m near everyone that I love. I don’t know how many times I have to say it to you, Brian.”

Brian bows his head, his arm reaching back for the counter to tap his fingers against it. “It’s …” he takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. “I don’t like seeing you leave.” It takes a great amount of effort for him to speak and to hear those words feels like a monumental breakthrough.

“I’m not going to leave anymore.”

“That’s still hard for me to believe. Knowing that you have your own place …”

“Makes you feel like I’m going to break up with you?”

Brian lifts his head then to look at him, a small smile on his face, "What’d I tell you about ---"

"Couples finishing each other sentences?" Justin cuts in on cue and they both laugh. “Don’t change the subject,” he speaks quietly but he’s still smiling.

“Yeah, that’s it.” Brian doesn’t need to explain. Justin knows what he means.

“It’s not like I’m never going to see you. We’re just going to do this differently. It’s not like we haven’t done it before. I was living at Daphne’s and I was always over here. But, I need my own space.” Brian’s heard all of this before but Justin thinks that he’s never really been comfortable with the idea. This just proves to him how insecure it makes Brian feel. “It’s not like this isn’t what we’ve been doing. I’ve come to Pittsburgh and you’ve come to spend time with me in New York. Why is this so different?”

“That was different. You were a plane ride away. Now you’re right around the corner.”

“In other words, it was okay for me to be away from you because I was living in New York and now that I’m in Pittsburgh, I’m closer, and we’re together so we need to be living together here?”

“Something like that,” Brian unzips his jacket and walks over to the couch to toss the jacket down on it. Justin follows him and takes a seat while Brian continues to stand.

They’re silent for at least a minute before Justin speaks again. “I don’t want to screw up this time. I need to know what it is that I want and I want you to be sure of what you want too.”

Brian moves from behind the couch and takes a seat next to Justin. He knows that they’re going to have this talk whether he wants to have it or not. “You didn’t want me to screw around when we were living together but when I asked you to marry me, you didn’t want me to stop being who I am.”

“I know,” Justin agrees. Even though it feels like an eternity ago, it’s only been a couple of years since that time. It’s been easier for them to live apart without having to think of the serious things. Now that they’re back together, in every incarnation of the word, they’re still defining what that means for them.

“So, that’s what this whole living apart thing is about,” Brian has his second epiphany.

“Yeah, that’s what it’s about. You’re not off the hook that easy,” he’s quick to say. “Brian, I don’t need long monologues from you. I don’t need soliloquies and sonnets. I know you sometimes still think that I’m some naïve kid that you picked up underneath a street light ---“ he points his finger directly at Brian to keep him from making any remarks. “But, there are things that I know I want. I need for you to tell me that you want me around. I need verbal confirmation that you, Brian Kinney, want me here. One word from you and I would’ve stayed. Don’t you get that?”

Brian says nothing but he does bring his hand up to move his fingers through Justin’s hair. Justin tilts into his touch and he can hear him loud and clear. He briefly considers letting this one slide.

“Are you going to answer my question?” that harder tone in Justin’s voice has completely disappeared and in its place is one that Brian recognizes as the Justin who’s a little easier to talk to, banter with.

“Yes. That’s my answer.”

“And no more bets. This includes gambling to put me back in school or trips to Ibiza, and Brandon.” Brian didn’t even think that Justin knew his name. “That’s all that I know I want for now. If you can agree to these things then you need to give me some verbal response other than the expected grunt of acknowledgment.”

“Asshole,” Brian smirks.

“That’s not the response I was looking for.”

Brian spends only a second thinking about it before he speaks. “Okay. Okay,” he nods, making his hold on Justin’s hair a little tighter as he leans in for a kiss. As far as he’s concerned, it’s time to move on to the part of the night that doesn’t require much conversation.

Comments

[lougenessis.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess Justin set that straight. Great chapter. Thank you!

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm a little worried about how it turned out but I think it gets the point across.

[on-the-ground.livejournal.com]

I hope to catch up with the last 2 parts this week.. :)

[colleen2328.livejournal.com]

Great chapter! I like how you use canon and then build on it in IC ways.

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

Definitely tried to use canon to either explain things or twist it to my liking. Thank you for saying that it's IC! That's always my goal.

[luvflix.livejournal.com]

You know, weirdly, this is my favourite part ...

he looks just as miserable as when he left

... just something about him running away from the emotions that stir up between him and Justin, and maybe he's realising (well, at least his subconscious is) that he's actually happier when he deals with it head on.