(no subject)

[amelialourdes]

I of course should be doing my Philosophy homework but since I want Philosophy to shove it, I'm not doing it right now.

I spent most of the afternoon packing. You know, in my entire life I've moved 9 or 10 times and I don't EVER remember having this much trouble packing my shit. It's not possible that I've acquired a lot of things in the past year. That's just not possible. I used to live in a four bedroom house for Christ's sake and packing up a room and a closet is difficult?! It's really not.

I have to pack up my computer sometime tomorrow night, grrr. I hate doing that most of all because Internet connection will be unavailable to me for a couple of days at least. So, during that time I WILL think of questions that I promised the people who wanted to be interviewed. I have not forgotten!

My friend Erica (who's going to be a famous animator one day) grew me drew the cutest Piglet!

Soooo cute! She did that during English because English is just so. very. interesting ... not really.

Again, while packing - lookie what I found.

Yes, Scary Stories: To Tell in the Dark! Actually the one with the greyish image is the story "The Ghost in the Mirror". And obviously the skull was cut out to make the icon.

Also, I posted this picture of Fab in QaFfans community but my journal deserves it as well.

Fabulous is at the bottom. I love the guy.

So much to be said but ... back to homework. Oh, one more thing. I have an unfinished gapfiller that I'm posting here just because I want to see how it reads. I know it's crappy but, meh.

"... and eat some fucking chicken soup," I rush past him and finish what I was doing before he came in.

I glance up quickly and see him struggle to make his way to bed, grabbing on to one of the panels as he climbs each step. I follow closely behind, careful not to spill the soup.

He settles down into my side of the bed, a pained expression on his face. All that yelling must've taken a lot out of him. I momentarily push those thoughts aside to concentrate on the task at hand.

I place the bowl on the bedside table. He begins to reach over for it when I tell him to wait. I lean over him to grab a pillow, placing it on his lap. I take the bowl and hand it to him while he positions himself to sit up straight. He takes the spoon in his right hand and I take it upon myself to hold the bowl, even though it's more than slightly warm.

I endure the physical pain because I can't even begin to imagine how that must feel for him. Although, emotionally, I want to jam that spoon down his throat.

I know why he threw me out. I didn't need Michael to tell me. I was, no ... AM just so fucking pissed off. How can he think that I'll leave him? How can he think that any physical imperfection will have an effect on my feelings for him? No, I know that it's more than that for him. He's not stupid. But the fucker actually thought it through.

In our silence these are my thoughts. With each new question I grow more and more frustrated. The tension rises to my right hand and it begins to shake.

I immediately release the bowl and begin to massage my hand, stretching my fingers.

I look up at him and the moment our eyes meet I know he knows what's happening to my hand. A look of remorse from him follows. "You know, I didn't think ..."

"Damn fucking right you didn't," I interrupt.

That shut him up. He looks back down at the bowl and begrudgingly takes small spoonfuls into his mouth. When it looks like he can't eat anymore I bring the bowl to the sink, rinse it out, taking my time. I look up and see he hasn't moved from his spot. I can't tell whether or not his eyes are closed.

Part of me wants him to be asleep so I don't have to deal with him. Another part wants him to stay awake so I can yell at him some more.

I lean over to get a good look through the bedroom panels. He's awake and staring directly at me.

I wipe my hands and slowly walk back to the bedroom, choosing the spot at his feet to sit down.

We play a staring game with one another, waiting to see who's going to speak first.

"Finish what you were going to say," I tell him.

That's the time his eyes leave mine. He holds his hands in his lap, looking down at them.

I will give him all the time in the world if he needs it. Just as long as he gives me some truth because I need to hear it.

"I didn't want you here," he admits.

"Go on."

"I really did think that -" he pauses. I know he can't admit to being in a relationship, at least, out loud. I guess I could help him along.

"That'd I'd leave you," he nods. "Brian ..." I don't even know where to go with this, it's so absurd. "Part of you knows that I would never do that. I suggest you listen to it. How many times have you tried to kick me out of your life? And I'm still fucking here!" I hear myself yelling again. I take in a deep breath and slowly release it. He's now looking at me. "You don't take the word 'love' lightly and guess what? Neither do I. So when I tell you I love you I'm not fucking around."

"I know," he speaks. "I didn't have brain cancer my mental capacity is still above the norm." I'm going to let that one slide.

Another bout of silence between us.

"Ask me to stay." I knew that he'll never ask me on his own. I need to demand it, knowing also that that's what he wants too. We went wrong with this a couple of years ago. I'm not about to fuck it up now.

"Bri, I can sit here all night if I -"

"Stay."

That was quick. "Stay," he repeats, softly and more quietly this time, never disconnecting his gaze from mine.

I give him a small smile, knowing that I got what I wanted and so did he.

Yeah, I tried writing an ending for that but it never seems to come out the way I want it. Maybe once I stop worrying about homework I'll be able to finish it. Meh.

Comments

[joesther.livejournal.com]

You don't like philosophy? *gasp* I loved philosophy in college! I actually took so many Phil classes, I was considering declaring it as an extra minor.

I'll read your stuff later. Just got into the office and I have to get settled. But that first statement just had to be commented on. :)

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

You know what, I think I just don't like MY Philosophy class. I think that I'd have more appreciation for it if I had more respect for the students in the class. But, they raise idiotic questions, and go off on these really strange tangents ... *sigh* so unfortunate. Maybe I'll take another class sometime to compare and contrast the two.

Heh, settled into the office yet? :D

[joesther.livejournal.com]

Yup, I'm settled now. And I see what you mean about the students, especially if it is one of those "OK, now you can talk and we'll see what you have to say" classes, instead of a lecture. I had a few of those, but they were all upper level and the students were all smart (OK, my modesty just went flying out the window. Sorry 'bout that) and very into it, and it was fun to talk and get input and have the teacher and the students debate interesting and intriguing topics and fine points. I would hear the bell ring and ignore it, and just want the class to go on and on. Course, these were classes with maybe 5 or so students and the teacher, and we'd just sit in a circle and drink our sodas and never raise our hands and just throw out ideas... yeah. I really have to go back to school. MA program, where are you??? I don't want to wait a year for you! *sigh*

I read your fic and I really liked it. I think you have the characters nicely done, and that is one of the bits that I hate that CL snipped. I would have loved for them to show us more. I also appreciate seeing it in first person, and since I'm a total Justingirl, seeing it from Justin's POV made it all the better. I'm not totally sure that Justin would have gotten so mad so quickly at Brian again, after he gave him the soup, but that's just me. I think Justin has a longer fuse once it's burnt, and we saw in canon that it did get burnt, so... oh well. But it was well done and I liked it a lot. Kudos. :)

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

That sounds like such a great class! Yeah, my class is 30 or so people so it's really difficult to want to state your opinion. And our professor kind of runs off at the mouth even though I can tell that it's completely unintentional.

lol, your MA program says you have to wait. How horrible.

Yeah, I agree about Justin's fuse but at the same time at the end of 409 he was pretty pissed at Brian. It's just the way that I see it happening. I'm really not pleased with CL this year. I mean, there was the gap between 405 and 406 and now 409 and 410? Simply unacceptable.

But, thank you for the criticism!

[madeofgold.livejournal.com]

Hey babe!

I actually liked all of my philosophy courses but sorry your sucks and not in a positive, life affirming way!

My friend Erica (who's going to be a famous animator one day) grew me the cutest Piglet!

When I first read this, I thought you meant your friend actually grew you a pig, like a real life pig. LOL!

Moving and packing is the worst!

LOVED the gap-filler. It seems complete to me hon. It was really good. I especially loved the way Justin got Brian to ask him to stay.

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

:( I don't know how they can suck in a life affirming way (AS COOL AS THAT WOULD BE HAHA) - but I'm making the best of it .. and writing gapfillers in that class.

LOL! Oops ... now replacing "grew" with .... "drew", haha.

Moving and packing is definitely the worst. The computer's going today! Noooooo! *so attached*

Thanks! That's the only part I enjoyed of course, lol. I'll see if I'll fix it or something.

[rhiannonhero.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. I love this gapfiller. It is definitely my favorite that I've read for post chicken soup fic! :)

I love how Justin is still pissed, but isn't going to make the same mistake twice. This is so great. I love it.

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

It is definitely my favorite that I've read for post chicken soup fic! :)

Nah-uh! You must not have read very many 409 fics ... then again, neither have I but -- THANK YOU! That means a lot coming from you considering I just read your 'Partners' ficlet about 4 times now, heh.

[giftofmemory.livejournal.com]

!!!!!!!!!

THOSE BOOKS! OH MY GOD! Scary stories.

Oh man. Memories. Those used to scare the shit out of me.

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

Those used to scare the shit out of me.

Me toooooooooo! I still can't read them at night but I love them love them love them!!

<3

[phibetafunkay.livejournal.com]

Ahh - Philosophy. Ack. Took that shit in high school, and then two courses in college. I don't know what scared me more: all the shit we needed to read, or the damn essay exams.

*hugs*

Excellent gapfiller, BTW.

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

I'm really not looking forward to any essays that I need to write. Or as my professor likes to call them, "Opportunity Papers". Everything is an opportunity with that man. He's contorted and destroyed that word for me.

*hugs back*

Sorry it took me so long to get back. Internet has been out of commission.

Thanks for enjoying the gapfiller!

[sakesushimaki.livejournal.com]

Your conflicted!strong!Justin is just delicious. Delicious, I tell you.

I endure the physical pain because I can't even begin to imagine how that must feel for him. Although, emotionally, I want to jam that spoon down his throat.
Gah!

"Ask me to stay."
omg, I love that so much. And then Brian actually does. *melts*

Yeah, I tried writing an ending for that but it never seems to come out the way I want it.
I actually found it rounded off nicely at the end. Hm. It might be my fetish for short fic (in minimalistic style), but really, if you hadn't mentioned that you thought it lacked a proper ending, I wouldn't even have noticed that it wasn't complete. *shrugs*

[sakesushimaki.livejournal.com]

Holy Moly, do you realize that I have just commented on a fic that you wrote six years ago? How crazy is that?

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

Dude, omg. This is a total flashback! The comments on here are making me all misty, haha. Thank you for liking it though! I think I remember feeling (six years ago) that the end did suit it, after all. I kind of hate all that 'love' stuff that I wrote about though, lol. Although, it's still kind of IC ... a little.

This comment made me miss six years ago! :D

[sakesushimaki.livejournal.com]

It's IC enough. ;)

Btw, reading this entry also had me kind of :( because I realized that I never got to meet college!Aimee. But the plans for the revival are still on, right?

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

I'm literally going through these past entries and I don't know who that pod person (the college me) is anymore. I can't believe that I wrote some things that I wrote about. I guess that's the novelty of being 19. Yes, revival plans still on! They need to be a little more substantial but I'm working on it.