amelialourdes | This is where things get tough.

This is the tough part about blogging daily. I've had a headache all day. The day hasn't gone as planned. I've been miserable and I've been feeling down and no amount of retail therapy (literally, no amount -- I did some damage on one of my cards today) is making me feel any better. So, I don't really have anything to say other than this. I dislike talking when I feel this way. I'm not much of a talker when it comes to this kind of stuff. I don't really confide in anyone about anything. I try not, anyway. It's the way I am and just the way I've been. It's part of only child syndrome. Which, you know, is bullshit. There are plenty of only children without intimacy or isolation problems. I'm just not one of them.

I always have a smile on my face and sometimes I know I'm a phony -- I'm a pessimist parading around as an optimist. I haven't really figured out who I am yet. Part of me feels like I am changing into that happier, content person. Then there's that other side that thinks it knows better and knows what's really there and who I really am. I'll figure it out one day but in the meantime, I'm just this.