the conversation.

[amelialourdes]

Insomnia is inspirational. To answer you, wordsalone, I'm nocturnal now.

Fic: The Conversation
Fandom: Qaf
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Word Count: 841
Summary: Brian and Justin talk about Justin moving back to Pittsburgh.
Notes: I don't know! This one's been sitting on my desktop and I think I finished it tonight. It's just the way that I imagine their relationship has progressed. Brian knows how to have a conversation now ... sort of. This also could be part of something bigger. Who knows what's going on in my head. Typos are mine! Rip into this one if you want. I'm always open to discussion. :)



“I wanna move into my own place.” Brian just scoffs at the idea and Justin immediately protests the reaction. “Hey, we’re setting up terms here and these are mine.”

“Will it be another dilapidated building with one shared bathroom and no kitchen? Because I thought that that really suited you,” Brian lights a cigarette but Justin can see the smirk.

“No, asshole. You think that I just sat around here and pined away for you? I worked.”

“You mean that shit job at that retail place?” Brian almost laughs but he does want to get laid at some point tonight.

“Do you want me to move back to Pittsburgh or do you just want me to stay in New York, dying of starvation, lack of social activity, and without a decent art review to my name?” Justin’s in his mid-20’s but he can still be such a drama princess. That never fades with age.

“All right, all right,” Brian tones down on the joking to continue with their conversation. “I just don’t understand why you want to move back and get your own place. We almost got fucking married and now you don’t want to live with me?”

“That’s exactly why.” Brian looks over at him, a curious expression on his face. Well, as curious as Brian Kinney can get about a question he doesn’t really want to ask. “It’s not that I don’t want to live with you. I just don’t want to live with you right now. I’ve been living in New York for two years now. I’ve experienced independence and I’m not ready to give it up yet.”

“Oh,” Brian quickly stands to walk to the small window in Justin’s apartment. The window faces the brick wall of the building across. There’s no view of the sky if he looks up and there are no people in the small alley if he looks down. It makes him feel trapped and claustrophobic.

“Brian,” Justin’s tone is gentle and Brian can hear him getting up from the futon on the floor to come up behind him. He doesn’t touch him, not yet. Justin’s mention of independence and being free has struck a nerve in his partner. “I can’t believe after all this time, I mention wanting to be a free and you still think I’m going to break up with you.”

Brian holds his tongue before he can say ‘isn’t that what that means’? The best he can do is, “Well?”

“Well? Well, what?”

“Nothing,” Brian throws the lit cigarette out the open window and turns. He intends to sit back down but Justin blocks his path.

“Don’t do that,” Justin’s voice is deadly serious. It’s hard for Brian to take Justin seriously when he’s standing in front of him with no shirt on, hands on the elastic of his sweatpants, hair a mess from their last fuck, and blue eyes attempting to glare at him. It’s hard to look at him when he’s this fuckable. “Now, what were you going to say?”

“Well, aren’t you?” he admits. “Aren’t you going to leave me?”

“No,” Justin responds quickly. “No, I’m not going to leave you. Brian, only you would think that me moving back to Pittsburgh to be at home, to be near my friends, to be near my mom and Molly, and you, means that I’m going to leave you.”

“Then, why do you want to move into your own place!” Brian’s loud voice surprises both of them.

“Brian, I need to. Okay? Pittsburgh is the one place where I didn’t have an opportunity for independence. I never got to be on my own there. I went from my parents’ place, to living with you, to Ethan, to Daphne, to you again, and that led me here to New York. I just need to have my own space, a place for me.”

Brian’s thinking about Britin. He sold it over a year ago but there are so many times that he wishes he didn’t. This is one of those times. “And the loft doesn’t have that.”

“I can make space in the loft for me but it’s still you. You’re everywhere there and that’s the way I want it. I like that that space is yours.”

“And now you need space for you,” Brian dictates to make sure he has that right.

“Yes.”

“Is this your only term? You’ll move back if you live on your own?”

“Yes.”

Brian thinks about this. They’ve been debating the pros and cons of Justin returning to Pittsburgh for almost three months now. Tonight, they finally begin to determine what they need in their relationship when he comes back. All Justin wants is to have his own place that he can call his own. Brian isn’t ready to have a conservation about selling the loft so this is the only reasonable option. Justin knows that too.

“Will you at least let me help you find a place?”

This time, Justin’s response comes with a large smile that reminds Brian of Justin’s nickname. “Yes.”

Comments

[camelhaircoat.livejournal.com]

I don't know how I missed this, but I lurved it. I love the give and take between the two and poor ol' Brian, that's the way I see him, too. He's just really still scared of losing that little stalker under the big bad facade.

And hey, I'm one of the ones still waiting for the continuation of that mythical QAF story. I loved that thing, don't make fun of it or I'll have to put the smackdown on you.

*Hug*
Amy

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I completely agree. Brian's freaking out is just a little more quiet. Justin knows how to ease him out of that mood.

LOL! I like that threat. That threat is good. I know that I'll go back to it. It seems like I'm in the writing flow so I may have to go back and explore that. I already have an outline but mixing all that fantasy in a realistic way is proving to be difficult. Thank you so much, Amy!